In my practice, I often meet women who come with the same problem: “I’ve lost myself in a relationship.” Why does this happen? Let’s figure it out together.
Balance “я“ and “we“ in a relationship
A healthy relationship is a union of two self-sufficient individuals, not a merger into a single entity. It is important to remember that you are still a separate person with your own needs, dreams, and goals. Finding a balance between personal space and living together is a key task in building a harmonious relationship.
Try to define it for yourself:
- How much time do you devote to your own interests?
- Do you have personal goals that are not related to your partner?
- To what extent do you maintain your opinion on important issues?
A healthy relationship is like a dance between two individuals, each with their own part. If one of them stops dancing, the whole harmony collapses.
Developing personal interests is your territory of freedom
Do you know what I’ve noticed in 15 years of practice? The happiest couples are those where everyone has their own “island” of hobbies. Do things that bring you pleasure: hobbies, sports, creativity, learning. This not only enriches your life, but also makes you a more interesting partner.
My recommendation is to write down three things you loved to do before the relationship. Start restoring at least one of them – this is your first step towards yourself.
Healthy couple boundaries and the art of saying no
One day in group therapy, one of the participants shared: “I’m afraid that if I start defending my boundaries, he will leave.” Sound familiar? But the truth is, a partner who crosses your healthy boundaries is not your partner.
Boundaries are not about detachment, but about respect for yourself and your partner. The ability to say “no” and stand up for your needs and values is a sign of a mature personality.
How to set healthy boundaries?
- Be clear about your needs and desires.
- Respect your own space and time.
- Don’t be afraid to express disagreement.
- Be consistent in your decisions.
Instead of a conclusion: a personal message
My dear, over the years of practice, I have realized one important thing: a woman who loves herself attracts healthy relationships. It works like a magnet! You don’t lose the ability to love by defending your boundaries. On the contrary, you become more real, and therefore more attractive.
Remember: you are not selfish if you take care of yourself. You are not a bad partner if you have your own interests. You are beautiful in your integrity. And it is this integrity that makes your relationship deep and real.
